Summary
Emotions are an essential aspect of everything we do. They are what make us human. They are what enable us to temper our behaviors, to have both empathy and sympathy. They can also be what causes us to cling to a single person in our company at the expense of the viability of our business. That may seem an extreme statement, but if you have ever witnessed the effects of an emotional entrepreneur who is so loyal to an original founding employee, co-founder, or friend in the business to the point of sacrificing the relationships, morale, and effectiveness of the rest of the organization, you wouldn’t think so.
Emotions are an essential aspect of everything we do. They are what make us human and enable us to temper our behaviors. By allowing us to exhibit both empathy and sympathy, emotions anchor us, for the better or sometimes worse. They can also be what causes us to cling to a single person in our company at the expense of the business’s viability. That may seem an extreme statement, but if you have ever witnessed the effects of an emotional entrepreneur who is so loyal to an original founding employee, co-founder, or friend in the business to the point of sacrificing the relationships, morale, and effectiveness of the rest of the organization, you wouldn’t think so.
Emotional Hostage to an Employee
Perhaps you may have had experience with it to a lesser degree in a larger company. The process goes something like this.
A manager (Joan) has a relationship built over years inside and/or outside the company with someone (Lisa). Joan feels she can trust and rely on Lisa to “have her back.” No matter what happens, loyalty remains. They depend upon one another.
So when things go wrong, no matter how wrong, Joan has an excuse readily available for Lisa and expects someone in the organization to pick up the slack or clean up the mess Lisa made. Joan will never hold Lisa accountable for mistakes, being late, dropping the ball on an important client project, or costing the company time and money.
Joan goes out of her way to find ways to insulate Lisa from blame. If Lisa is late on a deadline, then someone else needs to make up the time. If Lisa takes more time off than allowed, it’s okay because Lisa also goes the extra mile and puts in more time where “others can’t see it,” according to Joan. Lisa is indispensable to Joan; nothing anyone can say or point out will be seen as objective, but rather as unprofessional, petty, etc. Joan can’t—or won’t—deal with reality. Even when it costs her, the truly indispensable employees who decide to leave the company because of the “Lisa situation.”
Emotionally Unintelligent Leadership — Acknowledge Our Blind Spots
Everything we see, do, and think is filtered through the emotions of our relationships and past experiences. Sometimes this filter works to the extent that preserving a single relationship is the most important thing.
When we are unaware of our blind spots, we make bad choices. It may lead to situations where it doesn’t matter if this damages other relationships. When the manager is overly focused on this one person, there is an inability to, well, let’s say it, “manipulate” the message and perceptions of others. The “Lisa’s” on the team can intentionally or unintentionally, maliciously or non-maliciously, act in self-interest. They become savvy players of internal politics and corporate chess.
Masters of Destruction
I’ve seen some masters of the skill in corporations and small businesses. I’ve seen some careers and organizations torpedoed by these masters of emotional chess. Some are skilled enough to play both sides of the relationship. These masters and mistresses of gamesmanship will keep the emotional entrepreneur tied to them. and get the rest of the team aligned with them, playing both sides against each other. You know what I mean. They’re the coworkers who will say, “The only one you can rely on is me” to the boss, and “Can you believe he won’t trust you or that she is always micro-managing everything?” to coworkers.
What Makes Us Vulnerable
The desire to seem invincible and omnipotent is often what makes a manager most vulnerable and dependent upon a trusted relationship. The fear of not knowing everything, of losing control, and of being weak translates to being unable to admit mistakes in hiring, trusting, and working with the team.
The Emotionally Intelligent Entrepreneur
To be an emotionally intelligent entrepreneur means being both competent and confident enough to surround yourself with the best talent available. It means being willing and able to hear the positives and the negatives of how things are going. It is being willing to admit mistakes, ask for help, take advice, and make decisions. No one knows it all. No one can do it all. Being self-aware of our strengths and weaknesses is a sign that we are confident in who we are, what we know, and what we can do.